ghost chips (xsaturated) wrote,
ghost chips

To Get To The Heart, {Glee, Sebastian/Blaine}

title: To Get To The Heart (You Have to Cut Through)
fandom: Glee
pairings: (one-sided) Sebastian/Blaine, (mentioned) Kurt/Blaine
rating: PG
warnings/spoilers: Spoilers for 3.08
wordcount: 1200
summary: But excuses are just excuses and the reality, well, the reality is that he can’t seem to stay away.
notes: AKA why I shouldn't write things at 1am. Written for this prompt: As he sat in the audience, Sebastian had to convince himself over and over that he was just lusting after Blaine. After all, Sebastian Smythe does NOT fall in love. This is what happens when I'm trying to break my writers block. It doesn't really follow my Seblaine head-canon, but whatever, whatever I do what I want. Title from "Heartlines" - Florence + The Machine.


The April Rhodes Civic Pavilion is surprisingly nice, for a public school auditorium. It’s smaller than the venue that their Sectionals had been held at and he’s almost certain the ratio of gum to seat is exponentially higher, but it’s nice enough. Quaint in it’s own way.

Truth be told, Sebastian isn’t entirely sure what he’s doing here.

Well, technically he knows what he’s doing here.

He’s got a dozen excuses stuffed into his back pocket if someone should happen to ask. Scoping out the competition, playing the good will ambassador, supporting a fellow Warbler and friend (even if friend isn't exactly the title that he’d like to bestow on Blaine, given half a chance, and Boy-He’d-Like-To-Fuck seems crude by comparison.)

But excuses are just excuses and the reality, well, the reality is that he can’t seem to stay away.

It was supposed to be a game.

He’d listened to the Warblers gush for weeks about this guy and never imagined that he’d live up to the hype, albeit in ways that the Warblers probably never even dreamed of. It was supposed to be something he could laugh to himself about while they sighed and fretted over What Would Blaine Anderson Do during practices.

The faceless creature of his daydreams had been all too willing, eager even, to bend to Sebastian’s whims; to devote all of that rhythm and melody the Warblers raved over to much better use in the roll of their bodies together and pretty noises gasped into Sebastian’s skin.

The reality, well, that was something else entirely. Blushing and flustered and entirely too pretty for his own good and above all else, hopelessly, stubbornly, devoted to the boyfriend.

The meshing of the two – those initial heated fantasies and the reality of the boy, pink-cheeked and big-eyed and unbearably sweet - have become something of an obsession now. One that's escaped from harmless fantasies during the tired drone of Warbler procedures and meetings into his everyday life. They strike at the most inopportune moments; thoughts of how responsive Blaine would be, so vocal and open and eager to please wrapped around this strange affliction of his that begs to mess Blaine up a little.

It’s criminal that, that face and that body should be tethered to someone with no idea what he has in his grasps. The knowledge of what he could do to Blaine, what he could coax from those lips, itches beneath Sebastian’s skin; a maddening desire to touch and claim and have that has taken up residence inside and refuses to leave him be.

He’s certain it’s never been this bad before.

Sebastian knows the in’s and out’s of desire; it’s a well-trodden path for him by now. But this is something else, something beyond the sheer novelty of being denied what he wants.

This, whatever it is, has dug its way deep into his chest. Is constant and sharp and not entirely pleasant. It makes him seethe over the audacity of the boyfriend to sit in a coffee shop and cling to Blaine like a spoilt child with a prized toy that it refuses to share.

It makes him viciously honest because he knows, right at the center of him, that Blaine is too good for that boy. Blaine deserves better.

It’s the part of him that wonders what Blaine would look like swamped by his Lacrosse jersey. That sometimes wants to drape his blazer around Blaine’s shoulders when it’s cold and he’s wearing something pricey and impractical because he isn’t used to the luxury of choice yet.

There’s something about Blaine Anderson that Sebastian just can’t seem to shake off, not with drunken hook-ups or half a dozen pretty boys whose faces never quite compare.

Truth be told, Sebastian isn’t certain of anything, anymore.

He has to force himself to pay attention when the house lights dim, to focus on the stage and the girl with the soaring voice who’s a blaze of red on stage, because he must at least appear to be playing his part.

He claps and he listens and he tries not to dwell on the way his eyes wander through the audience and pick out the rows of performers in their crisp white jackets. They are striking, even in the gloom of the audience, and Blaine is all too easy to find.

Once he’s found him, it’s hard to look away.

The performances race past at a hectic pace and he takes note of The Troubletones, who he’s certain would be tough competition if the Warblers ever had to face them, but is distracted when the rows of white blazers file out of their seats to head backstage.

The anticipation that fizzes up through his chest as the houselights die and the stage lights up again is unexpected. The song is cutesy, sweet, and he doesn’t really know what to make of it.

But he can’t tear his eyes away from Blaine, from the determination and the glow of him, because he understands all too well now what the Warblers had been gushing about all those weeks ago. As cliché as it sounds, Blaine shines onstage. He pulls focus by sheer virtue of being there and Sebastian is on his feet without prompting, smiling and clapping along because he can’t help himself.

And it's all too apparent that the boyfriend’s spotted him, that he’s probably trying to prove a point with whatever it is that display is supposed to be, but he’s too riveted to play the game right now. All he wants is to watch.

It's when Blaine’s finally awarded the spotlight though, when it’s just that voice and that presence pushing everything else out of focus, that’s when Sebastian knows that he isn’t even fooling himself here.

He wants Blaine; has wanted him from the moment he laid eyes on him, wanted the idea of him for much longer; but want has never burned him like this. Has never knocked the air right out of him.

This is starting to feel less like want and more like need.

Sebastian needs to be the one that Blaine reaches for, beaming like that, when the stage lights rise and the auditorium fills with deafening applause. He needs to be the one that Blaine looks for when the rush of adrenaline is high.

He needs to be the one that Blaine needs. He needs to be the guy that Blaine depends on to look back at him like that, to listen and talk and do all of those ridiculous, stupid things that he’s never wanted because only idiots who believed in fairytales and love songs wanted those things.

He needs Blaine.

Blaine tucked under his arm, walking through the halls of Dalton together like they owned them. Blaine stretched out beneath him, above him, staring at him like he’s the only thing in the world that matters. Blaine sitting in the stands at his Lacrosse games and meeting him between classes and singing stupid love songs and duets just because they feel like it.

Sebastian is breathless when he drops back into his seat, the palms of his hands stinging with applause as the house lights come up again and the stage is empty but his revelation doesn’t fade with Blaine out of sight.

It hangs on tight, stubborn as the boy responsible, and this isn’t something that Sebastian understands; he’s never strayed into that dangerous territory that is love.

Sebastian’s not a romantic. He's never had the patience for something so whimsical, but he has got tenacity and determination. He has got drive and confidence and the knowledge that Blaine deserves better than what he has.

And, more than that, Sebastian has never learned how to settle and he sure as hell isn’t about to start now.
Tags: !fic, blaine/sebastian, glee

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